Today was great.
Walked around a lot, which is huge, I move at about the pace of a baby sloth though. 

Finally getting back to work on some training material, which is needed- my brain is ready to turn into mush. (wink wink) 

My drains are so very annoying but it's really not as bad as I thought.- ok, I didn't even think about them at all.. they are the pretty bad and I reserve the right to complain about them as much as a physically want. Which is about every 15 minutes- or when I move, whichever is quicker. 

Studied for my Bright Pink workshops. I'm so excited about this group. Being an ambassador really has changed my life completely, it has helped me deal with what could have been an extremely horrible wreck emotionally. I'm so grateful, and that word doesn't even cover everything I feel. With that, I wanted to add a bunch of links about BRCA, breast and ovarian cancer prevention, and self awareness in general, things that helped me while going through this. 

My outlook on life is so different. That sounds so cliché but that's the only way I can describe it. Things are such a big deal. I treasure moments a lot more. My only worry is that as life goes on I'll start taking things for granted again. Why does that always happen? I want to treasure my husband and the life we have all the time, but I get caught up in the hubbub quite frequently. 

I want to be able to at the end of my life not look at Nick and be like Phew we made it. I want to look back and think, damn, that was good. So daily- I have vowed to more intentionally, authentically live. So when that day comes, I'm good. We're good. Nothing is left behind. 

Love you all. That's about it for today. 
xx


Here's the links that I've been talking about. 


First Check these out

https://www.brightpink.org

Check out your risk

http://www.assessyourrisk.org/

Bad Luck Or Bad Genes? Dealing With BRCA And 'A Cancer In The Family'

http://www.npr.org/

BRCA Gene Mutations

http://www.cdc.gov/cancer/breast/young_women

Hey Everyone!

I cannot tell express how lucky I feel to have you all in my life. This has been insane, and the love I have received has been absolutely stunning.

Also, I'm on A LOT of pain pills- so the grammar and the confusing sentences are because of that- I don't want to edit it out, cause this is my Mush

Lets go back a few days.

I was a little more then rough
Trying to leave work was hard, I love it there so much and I keep feeling like I'm letting them down.
But they are in amazing hands, and they are so sweet to me.

I've been in a mental fog
Simple things were beginning to be difficult for me. I couldn't concentrate on anything specific, all I wanted to do was sleep. But I kept going, on auto pilot and the people around me just let me do my thing. This is why I love my life. Those around me understood that I needed that- they let me be. Crazy and all.

Let me talk about my husband for a minute.
If anyone knows Nick, he's much quieter than me (but who isn't, let be real) He's MUCH more logical, and he's a lot more stable- all with that being said, He loves deeper then anyone I know. He loves me for me. My crazy, irrational, workaholic -ness and all, and he loves every bit of it.

He let me cry, a lot. He took me on drives when I needed to clear my head, he let me go on and on about how scared I am. Never did he make me feel like I was going crazy, he's my person and he gets me. Always. and...? He makes me laugh.. a lot. At VERY inappropriate times, which of course, I love.

Now let me talk about my doctor- My breast surgeon is literally my favorite. She's confident, but not cocky, she's so sweet yet doesn't take nonsense. When I was going in for surgery I was shaking and scared- she put her head against mine and just let me cry, let me tell her how scared I was and that she's got me. She won't let anything happen, and I drifted off to sleep.
Not many surgeons take such care. She is beyond exceptional. She's absolutely awe-inspiring.

Waking up from surgery was not my favorite- it was as if i had broken my rips and ripped my muscles all in half. The drains make it so it's as if I'm breathing with giant rock hoses tangled between my ribs. It was late-ish when I woke up and so I didn't have much time with my recovery team, which I'm sad about because the nursing staff was... less than optimal, but we will get there.

The next morning My doctor came in again just to see how I was, I know that's standard, but her visits don't seem normal- she sees how I am. Not just how I'm feeling. She's just fantastic. I cannot say enough about her.

By this point I have already had stern talking to to several nurses- I'm not good in the patience department.- and was getting pretty upset with the care I was receiving- long story short when my nurse shook my hand roughly at the end of my stay I was contemplating why she was in this field at all because she didn't understand bedside manner in the slightest.  Lets list off the things I didn't like
1. I had to ask them to check my drains (6 hours later) - which was the entire reason I was there in the first place.
2. They didn't give me any of the meds they were supposed to 0/4 I was prescribed.
3. They tried to lift my arms to get me out of bed ( i have zero arm movement - especially then)
4. When getting discharged they were "printing" the papers for 5 hours- my guess is they had a calligrapher being dictated to by my nurse to produce the 7 page discharge document.

Needless to say I'm much happier home, eating bon bond and not being bothered.

Visitors are always welcome and encouraged. I love you all and will be posting soon. But my meds are kicking in and I'm falling asleep.
xoxo

Court